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Bargain Shopping Mars Black Friday Violence Hopes

“Crushing” is how one disgusted man described his experience at this discount retailer in Idaho, as bored shoppers merely stood in long lines waiting to pay for their merchandise, despite hopes that...

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Obama Demands Action on Temperature Inequality

President Obama said he’ll “focus like a laser” for the remainder of his term on “closing the vast gulf between warmest and coldest.” Temperature inequality, as shown on this map, reached 127 degrees...

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Obama Reportedly Offered Sarah Palin Permit to Shoot “Wolves of Wall Street”...

President Obama reviews text of a “presidential permit” that would have granted Sarah Palin the right to hunt “wolves of Wall Street” from a helicopter as a way to close the income inequality...

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Obama: Dump Costly Men, Hire Cheap Women

President Obama signs an executive order, firing every male employee in the executive branch, to be replaced with “cheap, renewable women,” saving taxpayers millions of dollars this year...

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Obama Extends Benefits to Non-Government Workers

(2014-06-20) — As President Obama announced today that he’ll use executive orders to extend marriage benefits to same sex couples employed by the government and its contractors, the president surprised...

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GOP: Obama Tanks Economy to Distract from Scandals

(2014-06-25) — Just hours after the Commerce Department revised economic growth figures for the first quarter of 2014 dramatically downward, a spokesman for Republicans in Congress said President Obama...

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Obama’s EPA Mandates Homes Powered by Friction

“The future is friction,” President Obama said today as he endorsed new EPA regulations shutting down all other types of power and heat generation. (2014-07-29) — Warning that the economic cost of...

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Revised Data Show 6 Years of Steep Economic Growth

(2014-07-30) — The White House today released revised economic data from the Commerce Department that shows the recession and stagnation of the past six years was actually a time of booming economic...

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SkyMall Bankrupt: Fliers Resigned to Analog Litter Boxes

America’s cats may be hardest hit by the announcement that SkyMall — the in-flight catalog felines count on for essential survival items — has declared bankruptcy. (2015-01-23) — With the bankruptcy of...

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Obama Triumph: U.S. Reaches ‘Full Under-Employment’

President Obama celebrates news that the U.S. economy has reached full under-employment, thus affirming his approach to “progressive recovery.” (2015-03-06) — The Obama administration today celebrated...

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Record High Jobs, Low Unemployment, Doom Trump

(2018-08-03) — The Commerce Department reported today that more Americans than ever went to work in July, and that unemployment hit an historic low. The latest jobs report virtually dooms President...

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Maduro: Drone Attack Proves Socialism Works

(2018-08-05) — President Nicolas Maduro today said that an alleged assassination attempt against him from bomb-laden drones during a speech at a military parade merely demonstrates that Venezuela...

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Privatized Post Office Would Tank Sears Catalog Orders

(2018-08-07) — A Trump administration plan to privatize the U.S. Postal Service would “virtually sound the death knell of the Sears catalog, thus decimating consumer shopping and gutting the U.S....

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Homo Erectus Killed Off By ‘Ancient Republicans’

(2018-08-13) — Recent news reports that archaeologists have discovered Homo erectus went extinct because the species used “least-effort strategies” — in other words they were lazy — fail to tell the...

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Indicted Lawmaker’s Wife Also Handled Federal Budget

Rep. Duncan Hunter blamed his wife, Margaret, for their illegal use of campaign funds, and for the deplorable condition of the federal budget, which he claims she has also managed for years....

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Trump to Sessions: Corrupt Congressmen Help MAGA

(2018-09-04) — The nation needs corrupt Republicans in Congress to maintain the economic growth that will Make America Great Again. That’s the message from President Donald Trump to his rogue Attorney...

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Nike to ‘Sacrifice Everything’ for Black Community

(2018-09-04) — On the heels of its new ad campaign with former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick, Nike announced today it would “sacrifice everything” to benefit the urban Black community for which...

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Op-Ed Blowback: Trump Behavior Shames Economy

(2018-09-06) — The U.S. Economy today said it was embarrassed at its own impressive growth after learning — from a new Bob Woodward book and an anonymous op-ed in The New York Times — that the country...

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Unknown Township Man: I’m Part of Office Resistance

(2018-09-07) — A township man today admitted that he’s part of a secret group at the office working behind-the-scenes to save the company from stupid decisions by the boss, who everyone ridicules when...

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Egg Board, Dairy Council Sorry About Starting Hurricane

The American Egg Board and National Dairy Council said their benign mass-sales event simply spun out of control. (2018-09-12) — The American Egg Board and the National Dairy Council today apologized in...

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